How to lead a happier life is a question many of us ask themselves. I know I do! Being happy seems to be hard. Many people feel unhappy in general. Or at least face many unhappy situations in their everyday life like at work, in relationships, when facing health issues, etc.
In my life I often wondered how to reach a state of happiness instead of feeling miserable all the time. My life wasn’t easy. I had a horror childhood so my start in life wasn’t very perfect!
As a child I felt very unhappy. There were happy moments for sure, like when I was with my grandma. She was the most loving and important person in my life. She died when I was 17 years old. I was so angry, the only Angel in my life was gone. I felt unhappy and lived like this for many years.
Now I’m 43 years and through the years I learned so much. I want to share my How to lead a happy life tips with you. Because I know what it feels like to be unhappy, to feel miserable, depressed, etc.!
And I wish I knew in my early twenties what I know right now! Of course I’m not ALWAYS happy, but even in the unhappy moments I can connect with my inner strength.
Even though I’m very happy now, I keep on asking searching for ways to lead an even more happy and fulfilling life! I keep on learning, improving myself never stops.
I see myself as an eternal life student at the University of life. It never stops as perfection doesn’t exist. At least that’s the way I see it. So I keep on wondering, asking questions and above all: enjoying the journey on my way to answers (which of course bring in new questions!).
How to lead a happier life: Are you responsible?
I experienced happy moments when in was in my twenties, but in general I felt insecure, ugly, I hated myself! And I blaimed other people for it! At that time I was convinced of the fact that other people made me unhappy.
Happiness seemed to be something that was outside myself. I was convinced of the fact that external factors were responsible. Like not having enough money, the weather (no matter what it was like!), being sick, not having enough friends, being in miserable jobs, I even blaimed my monthly periods from time to time 😉
I read dozens of books about how to lead a happier life. My heroes are most definitely autors like The Dalai Lama, Deepak Chopra, Dr. Wayne Dyer, Louise Hay, Joseph Murphy, Iyanla Vanzant, Doreen Virtue, John Gray, Neal Donal Walsch and many more. You name it and I read it!
I participated in many (expensive!) workshops to learn how to lead a happy and fulfilling life. I meditated, went in therapy, wrote in my many journals (my secret treasures!), discussed the topic with friends, etc.
And still I wasn’t able to feel happier! This made me so angry! So what I did was (of course) blaiming others… I thought the authors were wrong , the teachers were only after my money, the meditations were worthless and so on…
I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t happy!
Needless to say that my life used to be a huge negative circle at that time, resulting in even more drama! Looking back I feel so sorry for the person I was at that time! I felt so miserable, so depressed, and by thinking that being happy was a matter of good luck or so, I made things worse!
Can you imagine what my life looked like? You don’t want to know! It might make you feel down and sad, and that is definitely not the intention of my lens! But maybe what I learned from it, the insights I found (I did learn and grow!) might inspire you on how to lead a happier life!
What I learned through the years was that nobody else and no situation in my life is responsible for my happiness in life. Even if there is a lot of misery in my life this doesn’t need to hold me back from feeling good and staying centered!
How do I lead a happy life after a traumatic childhood
If you don’t feel content with yourself and/or your life there might be many reasons for it. As for me, my unhappy thoughts were a result of my childhood.
I’m a survivor of sexual, physical and emotional abuse. I had a ‘mother from hell’, she didn’t want me in the first place. And she told me all the time. On the age of only 3 years old I was often told that I was to blame for her aches, when she felt sick I caused it, and more of those sick statements you shouldn’t tell your child.
Instead of being a loving mother she hurted me, confused me and gave me the feeling I was a failure in the first place. Until the age of 7 she was married to my father (I’m not even sure if this man is my real father, but that’s another story) who was an alcoholic and a Jehovah Witness. He beated me up telling me I was a child of Satan. I will spare you the further (ugly) details.
After my mother threw my father out of the house my so called “new daddy” arrived the same day! He was the one that sexually abused me for many years (until I was 13). The only light in my life was my grandmother (and my grandfather). She was the mother I needed so much. If she wouldn’t have been in my life I don’t think I would have survived.
At school I was bullied, so I didn’t feel safe anywhere! The world through my eyes was a very scary and unwelcome place. I felt very miserable, afraid of everything, not good enough and always nervous and insecure. I wasn’t good enough, was what I thought. I didn’t ask myself how to lead a happier life back then! I wanted to disappear from this planet!
When I was 13 years a good thing happen. I was placed out of the house by the department of Child Protection. They placed me in a clinic. This wasn’t easy but at least I was safe! I lived there for about 3 years when I went living on my own. I still was a sad little bird and a year after that my dear grandmother passed away from cancer. I really wanted to take my life by then, but I didn’t!
I’m sharing this with you not because I want you to feel sad for me, but to give insight in how feeling unhappy can be caused and above all: that leading a happy life after so much trauma is still possible! It wasn’t strange I felt so bad. And it also wasn’t strange that I blamed other people/situations!
You know, the message I got from my parents was that I was the cause of their misery! Which resulted in feeling guilty I was living on this planet anyway. My parents taught me that you should blame other people for the fact you’re sick, unhappy, miserable, you broke your leg, the house was a mess, the food was spilled, etc.
Do you get it? I hope you understand what I mean, because this insight is so important! I got this example and thought it was “normal” to blame others for my own pain.
Enough about my traumatic childhood. What I want to point out with this is that the messages you get and what you experience as a kid do really matter. But also that it is absolutely possible to learn how to lead a happy and fulfilling life no matter how bad your past has been. I am living proof it can be done!
How happy are you? I love to hear about your experiences!
I’m strong believer of the fact that I am a student at the University called life. And so are you. By exchanging out life lessons and situations we can be each others teacher as well. So the student becomes the teacher and vice versa. Ain’t that amazing! You might become my teacher too by sharing what you did/are doing to improve your life! Or ask your questions, please do. Feel safe and welcome!